the 70lb lap dog

I love this dog. I really do. But she is dumb. (Insert Antoine Dodson "You are so DUMB")

lap dog

As far as dogs go - she's actually kind of smart (I think) however she continually does things that challenge my ability to say this with a clean conscience including but not limited to:

1. Thinking she is sub-20lbs (when in actuality she is pushing 70lbs) and climbing onto any lap she can find. 

2. Despite having only been fed twice daily for her entire 5 year existence, she insists DAILY that she should have 'lunch' when we do. (Hey, at least she's persistent)

3. She never fails to find the nastiest pile of death/feces outside and roll in it - which 100% of the time leads to the silent treatment and banishment from all furniture/any room with people in it for at least a few hours - her worst nightmare. (I imagine her sulking around secretly saying..."Worth it!") 

4. At least once a day, in a moment of shear excitement or panic over a mailman accosting her property or a sweet old couple with a threatening small child passing by the house, she and Sadie end up in a pile at the bottom of the stairs smashed up against the wall. I've thought about carpeting the stairs to prevent this phenomenon...nah. One day I will catch this on film and then we can watch it over and over again.

At the end of the day, she is a sweet, cozy bean who gives the BEST unconditional (panic-attack everytime I come home) love. I told her yesterday she had to live forever - she assured me she would.

On a side note back to Antoine Dodson...what an amazing transformation.